Thinking. It's what I'm up to.

I would like to start this night out with the fact that I have three followers on this blog site.  That number doesn't even compare to the number of followers I have on Twitter, but I feel as though the people actually following my blog are the ones who are important to me. Actually, anyone who takes time out of their life to read my posts is most likely important to me.

I'm tired of living this life. My choices are all bad, and I can't help that. I have forgotten how to be myself. A new life seems impossible at this point in my life. While it may seem impossible for me, I know how possible it is with God. He is with me every step of the way. I simply have to trust in him to guide my life in the direction he has planned for me.

As I look at my life and the family I've made at Grand Valley State University, I've realized that as much as I'd hate to lose what I've gained, I must move forward. Grand Valley wasn't the place for me. My future, I've decided, is in my favorite place in the world. Taking this winter semester off to find a job is almost unrealistic for me, but I didn't know where else to turn. I feel as though God is leading me in this very direction. I figured this time is as good as any to start listening. St. Louis is big, and my plans are even bigger. I'm  looking forward to the opportunity that I will have in the place I wish to call home.

There is this thing that I absolutely hate to talk about. This thing is guys. They truly disgust me.

...actually...

I've come to a sudden realization. After having an emotional conversation (mind you, I'm not emotional...at all) I know that love is real. As my relationship with God has been a struggle for me, there was one person that helped me figure out where I was going wrong. A few years ago, I led myself to believe that there was no such thing as love. Since then, there was nothing in the world that could convince me otherwise. Tonight, one of my greatest friends in the world has helped me think on this situation deeper than I have ever thought on it. Within my brain, fire was made. Now fully comprehending a lesson that I've been taught my whole life, I know that without the love of God, no other type of love can exist. Relationships need to be based around God and the love he shows us, or we will not be able to truly replicate this love toward special people in our life on earth.

How could it have taken me this long to understand such a simple concept? Questions about why I felt the way I did about love were more than difficult for me to answer. My answer was always, "I don't know" or, "This is difficult to explain." Apologies were always made, because nobody was ever satisfied with my reply. People are always praying for me; this I know for sure. God has really taken his place as number one in my life, and I couldn't be happier.

I'm not even reluctant to say that I'm not sad about what I put myself through before I figured this out.

I'm happy to be thinking clearly again...I didn't even have to drink coffee.

This life that I live, I love it very much.

Nobody will ever tear me down.

Embracing God's power and love,
Emily Page..