My weekend...and then some.

I've never been so out of whack in my entire life. Everything is screwed up, and I can't seem to make things right. My attention span is slowly fading to the bare minimum, and my memory is giving up on me. It's senior year, so my lack of motivation is sickening. I'm not quite sure what to do anymore in relation to becoming motivated again and learning how to make fun of what I have to live with every day of my life. Forgetting what I've learned is a habit that only seems to be getting worse as each day progresses. Time needs to be set aside for me to just think about life and what needs to happen to me before I go insane.

Something about a white screen makes me forget everything that I wanted to share with the internet world. From the beginning of the day to the moment I open a new post box, I have thought up many topics to ramble on about. As soon as I click the "new post" button, my brain decides to become vacant. I can't remember anything that was previously on my mind. This is very frustrating, because there is a lot that I don't understand about the world we live in. Maybe someone who comes across one of my posts can educate me on these topics as soon as they come back to me.

Graduation is weeks away, and I'm so sick of school. There is this feeling in my soul that makes me feel trapped or tied down to an anchor. My life is being held under a giant body of water, and I can't breathe. I need a super hero to come save me and give me a reason to keep on keeping on. Some inspiration would be awesome....I might start painting to create a solace for my mind.

This weekend was extremely busy for me. Usually weekends start on Friday, but mine started on Thursday. That night, I had a soccer game against Shelby. We lost by 7 which is really depressing, but I'll get over it. After the game, I had an early night, because I actually had to get up around the time I would have normally fallen asleep. Waking up with ease at 4am on Friday morning was odd. Me and mornings generally don't get along, so I must have been excited for the day ahead of me. I was at the school by 5:30am, and I had to wait for my band instructor to arrive. The doors to the school were locked, so I sat in my dad's car at the bus garage and waited with my clarinet friend who stayed the night at my house. Time passed, and we were on our way to Manistee with the band. We were escorted by a police car and a fire truck until we were out of town....the whole mile!

At state band festival, we earned a division two rating. For some reason, that made me really upset. Of course, I didn't show any emotion as I have learned not to.

Coming home was a race. I was supposed to be back to the church by 3pm only to jump in another vehicle for 3 hours. I was late as per usual, so I was upset for a moment. I then realized it would be okay.

Acquire the Fire was held in East Lancing at Michigan State University. The event took place in the Breslin Center. The preacher had the swag of my ex-boyfriend in the way he talked and told jokes. His messages were great, but there were 4 of them throughout the weekend....and they were all the same. Being in Lancing this weekend opened my eyes. I realized what I needed to do with my life, but it also sparked new questions for me to over think. I've got a new mindset, and learning to live with it will be a chore. God will certainly be there to help me along this journey.

We stopped at Cracker Barrel on the way home. We left early, because everybody agreed that the speaker was like a broken record. Cracker Barrel reminds me of road trips to St. Louis.

To come: The questions I have come up with and the ideas that seem impossible will be my next blog topic. It's been heavy on my heart, and talking about it might lead me to a sudden realization of what I'm supposed to do for not only my self, but for others as well.

Recovering from a long weekend,
Emily Page.

Brain Blurb.

I'm sick of trying to pretend that everything is okay. People see me inside of this "Emily Box," and I can never have a bad day. "Emily is always supposed to be happy." "Emily is always supposed to have good days." "Emily is always supposed to know what to do to contain herself." "Nothing bad ever happens to Emily."
Let me tell you that these statements are all lies. The devil is stepping inside of my life, and he is trying to wreck me.

It's an interesting situation. The devil isn't coming at me by himself. He is using the help of my friends and family. Every comment they make can either make me or break me, but it's my choice whether or not I let it. At this point in my life, I choose to let it make me. The sentences they spill at me will only make me stronger as a person, and they will build my mental state making me more mentally stable than most people. Life is a game, and I plan on winning.

Speaking of mental states, I've been looking into this subject quite a bit over the past few weeks. Knowing that my state of mind is similar to the muscles I use in soccer, I understand that it will only get stronger as life's challenges become more difficult. I'm ready to take on the world and overcome such stress.

People who are mentally unstable have also taught me some important lessons in life. They showed me that you won't get very far in life if you are weak. You have to use all of the obstacles in life to create an understanding of the world we live in. As difficult as that may be, it has to happen.

Just a little thought for today,
Emily Page.