Last night. The first night that I actually had trouble falling asleep. Does that mean that I'm falling into my old habits? With a class at 8 o'clock this morning, I wasn't sure how today was going to play out. For some reason, my anxiety shot right through me, and my eyes were stuck wide open until a good 3am. There was too much on my brain. Thoughts coming and going from every corner of my mind...which leads to this morning.
Sleep finally made nice with my restless body when it was time for me to get up and prepare myself for the day. I knew something wasn't quite right, but I ignored it and moved on into my busy Monday. Psychology wasn't as bad as previous days, so I decided that this Monday was going to be one of the best. History was also very interesting as per it's usual, but then came my three hour break. Since there was a lack of sleep in preperation for success, I thought it was necessary to catch a few Z's before my math class. Something was still very wrong. Anxiety got the best of me yet again, so I had no choice but to lay awake until it was time to go.
During this sleep attempt, I received a text from a guy. We've been talking for quite some time. I asked how he was doing, and he replied with, "Good, I guess." Knowing something was up, I asked what it could be. This was the very last question I wish I had asked, because I knew how our conversation would end. It was the same story that I end up writing in my book of life every time. My heart hurt a little bit this morning, but I might actually believe that this guy was being genuine. He was super serious about needing to focus on his school work. There was also no way we'd ever be able to see each other seeing how he doesn't have skype. Skype isn't enough anyways. I wish I'd known him longer. Maybe things would be different.
My heart is in pieces. It's so hard to hold all of them by myself. The shards keep slipping through my bony fingers and stabbing my insides. Although I'm a little sad, I've learned from past experiences how to get over situations like this. It's no big deal.
Marching band completely changed my mood. Something about it creates this new person inside me. I forgot about being sad, and happiness took over my day! Who likes to be so melancholy anyways?!
I SURE DON'T! Life's too short to worry about things that upset you.
Writing class came at the close of my day. The half hour before it started, my productivity level was higher than normal. My introductory paragragh was done before class had even started. During class, my attention span had shrunk to it's bare minimum. Two straight hours of helping one of my fellow classmates sounded better than finishing my own paper. She complimented my revising/editting skills. I'm just happy to have helped her.
My day is almost over, and I'm as calm as the sea.
Not as deep as I had intended this morning,
Emily Page.
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