Recent Thoughts

My transfer from Grand Valley to Ferris was a little rough. I was pretty late getting all of my information in, so my class list wasn't made until days before class actually started. I'm starting to get into the swing of things, but there are a few things that might continue to upset me this semester.

My communications professor, she is a little off. At first this didn't bother me. It didn't start to bother me until she started telling the whole class that we are going to fail because we don't listen.

I don't know if she realized this, but I was surely listening to this nasty assumption about an academically inclined group of students.

Professors like her make me angry.

We were told to give a speech about what makes us angry. She, in fact, makes me angry. Oddly similar to my writing professor at Grand Valley, she is closed minded. Anything that isn't done her way is the wrong way...unless it's a speech that you are passionate about giving....then she will decide to give that same speech as an example and tell you that you fail if you give the speech even the least bit similar to her speech.

I might write a book. My thoughts are so scattered, but all I have to do is organize. I don't even care if it takes years to get my thoughts onto a page. My thoughts overfill my poor mind. It needs a good cleaning. Putting my thoughts into a book is like saving information from my computer onto an external hard drive. 

It could be very well worth it. If a computer crashes, the hard drive still holds such sensitive but  important information. If I were in a bad car accident that caused me to forget things, I'd still have my own important memories saved into my external hard drive....in other words, my book.

This is...awkward.

It's been awhile since I've taken time to do a check up on my life at any certain point.  There are very few things that actually trigger my sense of creativity...the things that lead me to process a well thought out blog post.  This is a day blog, so my thought track isn't exactly on point, but it's definitely time to take out the trash.  I might actually be able to think straight.

We'll see.

I'm trapped.  Stuck in this life I never thought I'd live. Am I really falling into the position of the underdog? Is someone who owns a name other than my own seriously controlling my every move? It hurts.  This is the kind of claustrophobia of which I've always been afraid.  Loved for who I am, or loved for the person others  have created?  This question is a tough one, and I'm dreading the honest answer.

Country music has been so gentle to my ears as of late. Is this a phase?

Waiting is something upon which I do not look too fondly. Waiting once for something is okay, but continually having to wait for that something is too obnoxious for me to even withstand.

Have I become a people pleaser, trying so hard to make sure everything is okay on the other end, when in all reality I haven't been keeping myself happy? Do I even know what it means to be happy? I'm learning way too much about how hard life may be when you stay worried.

*sarcastic laugh* Worried? What do I have to be worried about?

Love. While listening to the song, "What is Love?" by NeverShoutNever, I ask the same question.
What is it exactly?  Is it giving up on yourself, having to have somebody else by your side always? Who knows... I try not to over analyze what it could mean.

Reading back to all of my previous blog posts, I thought to myself, "What could possibly possess me to think in such.....awkward....ways?

It's the middle of the day, and I have done nothing but write. What's gotten into me?! I've also been going to bed at reasonable hours.

The hardest I've tried to think in months,
Emily Page.

P.s. I have to be in school for what looks like more than 9 years...yay.