This is...awkward.

It's been awhile since I've taken time to do a check up on my life at any certain point.  There are very few things that actually trigger my sense of creativity...the things that lead me to process a well thought out blog post.  This is a day blog, so my thought track isn't exactly on point, but it's definitely time to take out the trash.  I might actually be able to think straight.

We'll see.

I'm trapped.  Stuck in this life I never thought I'd live. Am I really falling into the position of the underdog? Is someone who owns a name other than my own seriously controlling my every move? It hurts.  This is the kind of claustrophobia of which I've always been afraid.  Loved for who I am, or loved for the person others  have created?  This question is a tough one, and I'm dreading the honest answer.

Country music has been so gentle to my ears as of late. Is this a phase?

Waiting is something upon which I do not look too fondly. Waiting once for something is okay, but continually having to wait for that something is too obnoxious for me to even withstand.

Have I become a people pleaser, trying so hard to make sure everything is okay on the other end, when in all reality I haven't been keeping myself happy? Do I even know what it means to be happy? I'm learning way too much about how hard life may be when you stay worried.

*sarcastic laugh* Worried? What do I have to be worried about?

Love. While listening to the song, "What is Love?" by NeverShoutNever, I ask the same question.
What is it exactly?  Is it giving up on yourself, having to have somebody else by your side always? Who knows... I try not to over analyze what it could mean.

Reading back to all of my previous blog posts, I thought to myself, "What could possibly possess me to think in such.....awkward....ways?

It's the middle of the day, and I have done nothing but write. What's gotten into me?! I've also been going to bed at reasonable hours.

The hardest I've tried to think in months,
Emily Page.

P.s. I have to be in school for what looks like more than 9 years...yay.