Wide Ranges? Oh Well.

This feeling. I'm not sure exactly how to describe it, but it leads to tears that shed so consistently down my face. Every drop has meaning. When will I understand this meaning? I have finally burst; my emotions have broken free from their prison. It's hard to even see my computer screen through such a waterfall. It hurts, but it feels so wonderful all in the same minute. There's hardly a soul who will understand where I'm coming from as I cannot fathom this place on my own. I've never been here before; why am I here now? 

I pray. I pray hard.

My heart beats fast as I drown in my own worries. My stress has built up into as much as a sharp pain that shoots from my neck down to my finger tips. The cure is hard to find, but I refuse to stop looking until it is safely within reach. I want to be healed of this sickness. Is it a sickness, really? No. It's an exercise for my mind. I strive to have everything figured out. Right now, I am far from those remaining in that group of wants. It is impossible for everything to be figured out. Having everything means having nothing. Nothing to push for, nothing to give me a drive...nothing. At this point, happiness sparks from the work put-in in order to not fully achieve, but to simply inch toward my hopes and dreams.

Learning is fun.

Reality is finally hitting hard, leaving bruises overlooked by the eyes of every passerby. Bruises only felt deep within oneself. Deep within me. They remind me what I live for...

God.

Would the average Joe look at me and know who I live for and why? Would my attitude portray that of a young woman living through Jesus Christ? 

Everything that I do should trace back to the reason I believe humans exist. 

I want people to look at me and say, "Wow, look at her! She's so loving and overflowing with happiness! I want that too!"

In order to share love with the world, one must know what love is. The only way to know love is to know God, because God is love.

The feeling that I aim to know is quite lovely. I hope someday to befriend it and share it with the world. 

Love,

Emily Page.